Heyo!

It's been almost a week since i last blogged.
Seems really long doesn't it?

I'd been so packed with work this week.
travelling to and forth from TP to schools seriously sucks.
especially when we cant claim for cab fare and public transport is the only way out.
the chore of ensuring myself landing in the correct place made me really tired.

Good thing was: I finally secured a new regular sales account.
Hopefully there's more to come, shall just work harder.
But of course, as usual, boss didnt seem impressed.
sometimes, i wonder, why are we working so hard, when we don't even know if it'll work out?
perhaps, knowledge is not definite, but there's not even faith or belief. how will it work then?

I had been so stuck calculating opening and closing stocks of ingredients in KW.
it's a pain to do when we have to backtrack on all the purchases and production
simply because, we don't have the figures to start with.
estimating losses become a great challenge as well.
i don't know - my boss really think too highly of me.
this is something that is beyond my ability.
friends who know me... should all know i suck at counting, a brain that is too straight for such things is seriously killing me.

ever since OCP got cancelled.
i don't know what's gotten into me.
everything i'm doing in TP drains my energy.
week 0? no longer passionate, the only thing thats keeping me are the few people in it.
i wasn't even excited when TKB said he's open to having 3d2n camp for orientation.
if it's me in the past, i would say YAY lets try out, it's gonna be fun.
now... it's all uncertainty, with a weird atmosphere which i dislike very much.

communication with boss seemed better these days.
but the hidden agenda and feelings remain.
i don't know what he wants from me, and he perhaps wont want to know how i feel towards this entire KW things - simply because, i'm dreading everything about it.

sales is not my forte. not my area of interest.
it was shocking to have calculated for myself to see that - i need to sell another 170,000 cups this year (which only barely half a year remains for this AY) in order to breakeven.
that dampened my spirits high time.
because... i have doubled the sales of last year, and yet... i have to double this amount again.
that means, it'll be four fold of last year.
if I'm able to do this, i think just based on commission itself, i'd be damn rich by now.
Low Motivation level doesnt help over here.

the more i do, the more i'm hating sales.
somehow i realised i'm too green in this area, too naive, too trusting, and don't know what to do when i have to face cunning people.
it's really demoralising?
and i suck at finance.. now.. i really don't know what i'm good at.
it's so sad to know this fact about myself.

been looking ard on jobscentral.
not sure if changing job is the best way out, it could be just me finding something that suits me more.
but i don't know what suits me better seriously?
ppl like Mark Tan, TKB, bf and many more feel that i should stay
at least for the next 2 years till my study is over.
i know i wont last that long.
my work performance, just wont get better.
Janice said - Boss thinking highly of you will not feed you without increment.
thats...... SO TRUE.

the harsh reality of having no cash is setting in.
I'd been feeling so poor.
the stress at work - esp dealing with finance costing- is killing me.
i find myself dreading work so much so that i tear late at night.
getting all weirdly depressed.
hope this difficult period really go soon.

weekend had been great for me.
bf tried all means to accompany me the entire week.
i know he cares. =)
so i tried to keep myself happier over the weekend as well.
meeting up with clar and janice made me happier though. =)
it's good to see that things are going on track.
it's gonna be exciting.
at least another phase of life is coming in next year.

gastric pain nearly killed me on friday night though.
i found myself dying in pain halfway during evening class that day.
had to drag myself home during break.
nv felt so bad having pain in the stomach before.
felt all better after popping antacid back at home.
but missing class din make me feel better though.... =(

had been really disorganised?
but i finally cleaned up my room.
less nagging from mum. hopefully!

and it's only 1030pm and i'm dying from lethargy in the eyes.
i think i shd just sleep!

gdnight!
seriously want to take mc tomor.
see if i want to spare that 20 bucks.
perhaps i cant even afford!
gdnight.