OLTC-ed

Here I am, back at home.
Peacefully enough to type a hell long post regards to the camp that I solely had.

Day 1
Had fever soon after I reached camp.
well that was totally unnecessary to add on to my burdens.
Telematch was a flop in the afternoon - having to shout into loudhailer was bad.
Thank God I insisted on DWP. the clouds moved away despite the thunders.
AR games at night was alright, just the dread of waiting for lights to be switched off by estates.
It made slping time damn late for everyone.
Beloved camp commandant had his piece towards the main comms.
which left many, I believe not exactly happy.
day ended at 5am for me, pan, rachel, and the 2 prog comm.
of course, log i/c was up the entire night, i don't know do what.

Day 2
Feeling more tired than ever.
Age is catching up real fast on me.
I was practically dysfunctional right after the messy OL/LOG lecture.
As much as we tried to keep up with the pace, prep was just not enough.
45 min nap never felt so good. It was seriously rejuvenating!
Out of nowhere, i was nominated by both my bosses, and dir, to be sch rep to paint some mural walls.
I mean seriously, they correctly mentioned my attributes abt being passionate and able to rally students - BUt really, not in the month of APRIL!
Dragged myself out of staff lounge to attend a retarded 15 min meeting.
And to realise, TKB has not got me into JUST being a sch rep.

Spent time communicating with TKB that day.
Complained about all I needed, abt the feeling of helplessness in the entire Week 0 planning.
The so called Student Development Team - did it ever exist from the moment I took over?
He shook his head, and I agreed with the disappointment.
Told him straight that, I'll delegate work and he instruct next year. If not, I am not going to do it anymore.
Said is confirmed easier than done! lala.

Mark and TKB came rattling on how shagged the main comms looked.
complained that I shouldnt have let them slp so late.
I simply replied - that had been happening for years, why only now?
and replied mark - STOP complaining, I din SLP TOO for goodness sake!
Who wouldnt want to slp if things could have been done quickly.

I asked myself - Was there a mistake in planning or what?
I saw the kids dragged themselves to do things.
That was a disappointing scene.
So there it went for AR games simulation and Routes simulation where hiccups occurred.
dinner was bad - dragged for 2.5hours before it ever came to TP.
that of course, disrupted all timings once again.

So day 2 night - Short debrief and I sent the whole world to slp.
And guess what?
Found students loitering way after lights out time - giving me all sorts of excuses
Kevin asked me to relax and not scold them..
Fine, I did not.
Later to find out that the main comms spent 1 hr of precious slp on the poor fat boy who slept like a log, making a big fool out of him.
Main comms insisted on playing captains ball, deemed more impt than Log prep.
Fine, i let it go. Log prep was cut short in order to let everyone wake up 1 hr later as all slept only at 3am.
Then I realised - Nope, no mistakes in planning, just human choice of not wanting to slp.
not another night slping at 5am in the morning.

Day 3
Spent the entire morning till afternoon drowning in manpower flow - both OL and Log.
Message on Briefing and Debriefing was simply brought acrosss in 10 min
I din prepare enough to make long speeches. Din have time either.
But I was surprised to have it most receptive for these participants. - which may not be too bad.
OL / Manpower flow was finally on the go. Thank god!

rained cats and dogs the entire afternoon.
i allowed campfire to be on at 6pm when the rain stopped since many showed disappointed faces
And I had to find myself being utterly disappointed towards the end of the night.
I spent time, compiling all notes on campfire evaluation / emergency plans into the FA manual for OLTC.
No one brought it when at campfire site.
So if anyone's gonna burn their hair during the session, everyone'll just freak out and die.
and at tt point of time, YL had to tell me that the entire log comm are damn tired, and log prep session in OLTC was practically a waste of time. I was appalled by his words.

To my horror, 1 idiot had to open the spare fire extinguisher just to put out the mini fire at the end of session, without my permission.

In fact, the fire extinguishers din come with permission. as it was too last min notice.
I simply grabbed it from anywhere.
and having the need to file an incident report for all use of extinguishers - I need i was in deep trouble when 1 of the main comms called.
took me really awhile to get things back into place.

I broke down and cried in the staff lounge.
Like never before.
the fear of implicating others was overwhelming.
and the sense of incapability was really strong and it hit me realy hard.
it was correct, that if it's wallace or anyone else, would have reminded the kids NOT to use the extinguishers unless in emergency.
I had to admit I did not prep the kids.
I had to admit that I totally let loose on the 3rd night thinking everything'd be fine.
It was even sadder at the moment that made me realise - these kids are not achieving my objectives at all. It's all about a fun camp and fun again.
Disappointment was really bad.

took me quite awhile to get back to my feet.
and walked to the LT to meet all the main comms
I smiled and joked as i walked in, easing the tension.
And there I went saying my piece:
apologies for not warning abt fire extinguisher, it's my fault.
the consequence that follows, on how it may implicate others
how I allowed these ppl to do what they want throughout the camp,
of not scolding participants for being laid back
how I allowed them to prioritize captain's ball / campfire above log prep and lectures
how i spent time getting manual out in time, for them to refer yet none brought it for campfire
how ashamed they should be making fun of others in the middle of the night. instead of slping earlier, and to complain to me that they're tired and log prep was a waste of slping time
how i/cs pushed blame to the ppl working under them, when they should by all means, take the blame if the section / part is not done well. edmund was driving me up my grave.
I totally used the eg on fire extinguisher - that I'll not push clement to be hanged but i'll take the blame for everyting, because it's my fault and I'm the i/c of camp.

And how they thought they're damn good themselves, when they're nothing.
I pointed out all the flaws found throughout the camp, and how they pinpointed at one another for mistakes done.
And I said, Im not indispensable, they are just incapable. And never reaching even half of my expectations. It was an utter disappointment.
And that I am not able, and not willing to work with a team like that, so i'll propose to scrape AR and make Orientation a 3 day programme without overnight and games.
They will do what they deemed fit.
And I totally gave them the liberty and rights to end camp at 9am the next day and I was not going to care.
I went straight to slp after that. Trust me that it was so peaceful.

Day 4
Woke up only at 10.30am.
I walked up and find that final clash simulation was over
and everyone was clearing up the bunks.
walked into admin room to find that Qai and Fariza were discussing on datelines to be met for log prep for the Ols/Log comm
everyting was done nicely.
I was quiet, and just followed the flow.
and Yup, they did it well, at least for the last day of camp.
It was seriously nostalgic to see flashbacks in the video for the entire camp.

And I received a formal apology by the entire main comm in the Lt after all others left.
I must really say it was comforting.
I saw changes in these kids overnight, and I do hope this will last.

Of course, I needed to settle fire extinguisher stuff after that.
it was settled rather peacefully thank god it was elizabeth who's the i/c. =)

Actually I had been doing quite a bit of thinking since the last day of camp.
Despite all the physical prep that were not up to standard and not completed by end of camp,
I still feel that the camp was not a waste of time.
In fact, the campfire incident was a blessing in disguise for me.
I will still want it to happen again, if I can choose.
Because that gave me a perfect platform to remind these kids of responsibility and what they are here for.
And I know it really impacted most of them, if not all.
So afterall, this camp wasnt too bad after all. =)

I think I've grown as well.
In terms of leadership and handling of matters.
The old me will probably curse and swear at them for landing me in trouble
But i was very surprised that I was able to talk to them so peacefully that night.
And that I could totally SIU and claim responsibility despite how scared and worried I was.
ANd the scariest thing was, I was able to smile and joke with them the next day morning, and not pretending that nothing has happened.
It felt really weird.
BUt it felt good.

I guess I'm achieving my objectives in student development.
As I help them to grow, I learn as well.
Perhaps at this point of time, I do not want to give up on these kids.
being with them for almost a year, tells me that I cant give up that easily.
and whatever happens, I need to cover their asses.
guess thats what life is. haha.

and yup!
i'm loving this weekend.
because, im at peace.
though fell really sick during oltc, showing how drained i was.
all these were worth it.
and nothing's more impt than recognizing that ur work is not in vain.

shopped with janelle and janice today.
and there went bulk of my remainder for the month. POOF.
attended CS's bdae chalet - more like a social gathering. =)
big plans on leadership camp in june with sis. that makes life more exciting now

and now im going to bed.
thinking abouit the fruits of the labour for entire past half a year of hard work is just going to make me slp well.
Week 0 will turn out fine if they endure with the changed attitude. =)