Saddening day

this weekend had been a terrible one for me.

well. sigh. in really low spirits right now.

Went for Clifton's wake on Friday, though we were late, we managed to pay our respects to him. well. that place was alr filled with ppl, crying ppl i should say, the whole time when we're there. sigh. it was really saddening. saw ppl like alvin neo, terrence, safahri.. all the tpsu ex-co.. and with the existing ones as well. but it kinda sucks to have to meet up with old friends over such an occasion.

nightwalk at changi before that was another one that was full of surprises. police car patrolling, and that kinda stopped us from walking into the buildings and all. and it just stopped there, with the new route that was marked out. oh well. fine, just follow the new one will do. sometimes, we don't have to be too ambitious in achieving big things. i just feel it's enough to do well in wad we ought to.

SAt morning. Went all the way to temasek for briefing and prep of log. another exciting one. to see spider webs tied up in open areas.. where wad we always did, was to tie them at water prove areas. i seriously din understnad how could all these happen. and in the end, we had to tie another 3 more in the shelters just to make it weather prove. what a double job. well. since when have we NOT been doing double jobs for the past few weeks?

and beloved mr wallace lim. sometimes i don't know wad to say. as a friend, i totally understand your situation and willing to listen and give u all the time u want. but as a co-worker in a team, im sorry but it's seriously intolerable and getting on my nerves. the unpleasant feelings came up strong once again in sister and me yesterday morning. when SO many changes are done AGAIN, on sat, 2 days before camp to be exact, because of what he wants. u know. sometimes.. the world doesnt revolve around anyone or just YOU. it's really tiring, exhausting, and close to breakdown when some things.. could be easily acheived and done without changes.

not that we're not ready for changes or improvement or listening with an open mind. it's just that.. the ppl working REALLY hard had only been just one or two. its just difficult u know. in the midst of trying to get out of the comfort zone of having wallace lim as the leader all the time for approval, and finally getting out, u're back again to tell us wad u want to be done. even group names... pitching of tents.. those things are not MEANT to be a big fuss.

and wads up with qss dream team? i don't see any teamwork. i don't see any dreamers coming to attend impt meetings. those that attend are half hearted and playing a fool with the kids. what for. perhaps im just being emo. but fine, just do the changes. what have we not done before?

was late for wedding dinner last night, and went home at 2 plus 3am in the morning. drank. and was a little wasted.

woke up and rushed down to the funeral today. cremation day. really saddening. until now i cant seem to pick myself up from where we cried real hard just now. the TP ppl sang our temasek school song at the parlour. but yup. this time we werent cheering like how we normally did. instead, tears were rolling down everyone's cheeks and ppl started sobbing away. the worst part came when his mum actually stood up, and thank us for coming and yes she's proud of her son who knew all of us who's there. omg. as hard as i could hold my tears, it was impossible when she bowed before us. it's really bad. cuz now im still tearing as i recall that scene. how strong can one old lady be, to bow and thank and not cry, when it's her son who's lying in there.

when we reached mandai crematorium. it was, yet another heart-wrenching scene. that everyone was screaming for his name as the coffin was moved off into the fire. it was bloody saddening, that all of us were crying like mad just listening to the screams. sighhhhhhhhhhh.
and charlene was totally gone today. sigh. i can nv imagine how shes feeling. even ppl like us, who're not his close friends were crying like mad.

life is just... unfair.

really in low spirits right now. and of all days, tomor is the camp. i perhaps only have a few hours to sort out my thoughts and get back to work and complete the unfinished tasks.

cant stop thinking of what happened today. all the scenes that we knew about clifton just felt like they just happened yesterday. sigh. why are so many ppl dying these days.

alrights. i'm praying hard that the camp would just go on well. and yup. time to throw aside all the differences and get to work as a team.

we shall nv leave any regrets in our lives. because i nv know when im going to die. what if i've nv put in my best to do things that i loved, and love those ppl i love so much right now? I believe clifton has left a great impact in many ppls lives, so does his family members that has impacted us today.

i pray for his family well being, as well as for charlene's.

alrights. time to get back to work then get some rest. i'm really tired. both physically and emotionally.

cya..