I'm back

Yup. I'm back from camp.

It's probably the longest camp i've ever went thru? though ironically, it's only 2 day 1 night camp. ha.

too much that we've been thru, that i think i cant elaborate all the points over here. cuz theres just too much to say.

Well. the camp went well. with many many hiccups, but we survived. at least, the campers and FAs survived. my Log ppl was barely alive at the end of the 2 day camp. haha. but they've became my fav bunch and the most respected ppl. cuz all in all, there're only 4 of them, plus a little grace chan for a camp that required tonnes of moving of log and all the time, they're on duty. HA.

next on the list, are the FAs. I'd like to say a big thank you as well. to bear with the never ending changes and able to react to them arent easy. and the 'never-complaining' attitude made me feel more than just being grateful and appreciative all of these ppl. =)

then, mag hor. our forever counsellor. how close have we bonded tog? im' not sure, but damn close. cuz she saw our tears that ran like running taps, both clar and i. haha. i know it sounded gay. but yes, we broke down halfway on day 2 for a camp that that only had less than 60 participants. having done week zero for a few years, dealing with all kinds of work in the club as a VP, i actually cried for a 60men camp. for the first time in my life. HAha.

yup. the feelings of helplessness, anger, disappointment in myself and some others just became overwhelming.. after not slping for one night guarding the campsite, and cycling nonstop for 3 hours under the hot sun runnin errands in ubin. i guess those tears were necessary. after working damn hard for the past few weeks, damn closely with clarissa ong, in the absence of michael koh, and yes the others, i guess we both knew how each was feeling. it just sucked.

well. i felt like i've failed myself totally in this camp. from the planning till the execution. all the time, there was this sense of loss somewhere that left us always with a blank mind, or dumbfounded. well. guess theres just too much things to do, everything we had to do it. it's unlike the times when we're in week zero whereby everyone had a post. yup. so this is wad real life is like. thats the prob drastic difference between real work and schlife. i just realised recently we've been so protected under the wings of the advisors in the past. now it's time to get out of it and really rough it out. ha.. but the first step is always the hardest.

felt like my world has fallen when everything just started falling apart. without wallace lim. thats gay. but he's always been there. whether he contributed or not, but at least he was there. but this time round, he hid somewhere else for his own wounds. and yup. we had to work without him. and frankly speaking, it wasnt easy for me at all. it's worse off when i knew he had his own life to handle thats almost falling apart as well, yet i expected him to step in and try to bother about everything thats happening around us. it's mixed feelings i guess.

and i finally figured out why the heck did we cry that day at ubin. the camp was going really well. everything was fine, but we cried. the reason was that, we tried to live like wallace lim. we tried to run the camp like how wallace would have done it. actually if i'd say it's just my expectations, i've done my best and i know i'd be happy abt it. however, i wasnt following mine, but his. it had always been like that since the end of time. of cuz he can say we didnt have to do that. but i guess it's sucks but he did play an impt role in our eventful lifestyle. he wasnt wrong to say he can bring ppl up when he's excited, and drag ppl down altogether when he's down. he really can.

had a super emo thrashing out session with the qss members at bugis last night. it just wasnt easy. emo, stern, serious and all. had nv been a scenario when we meet up all the time. but it had to happen, before our own friendships start falling apart. yup. i cried again. i guess im rally GAY. haah. and heard from everyone and got the concensus that qss will go on. we will go on with the 7member team and it shall be. but im not sure if we should expand our reach to other ppl to join in. cuz that wont be the org bunch of ppl anymore. well. we shall see.

i'm still not recovered yet from the lethargy that carried over since i don't know when. and the camp was the catalyst for basically everything. haha. well. so i'm still tired.

i just have to say. when wallace lost his best friend. i felt that we've lost him as well. sigh. i hope things change for the better.

sister, you shall go for your trip and be happy. it's a for goodness sake 20 days travelling in europe! hello! stop emo-ing. pick yourself up and go on. relax and enjoy. i know it's hard. but at least u've a a place to go where u wont see anyone for more than 2 weeks. take it as a good holiday. no stress okie?

still have report to finish for the camp. oh well. so i think things just doenst end. haha.

gotta go. cya. i hope i stop emo-ing soon.

gracey