Indifference

sigh. havent been feeling well the whole week. be it my nose, my stomach, my throat, and mentally and emotionally. sigh everything is jsut in a big messssssssssss. everything is getting on my nerves.

met up with zhiwei juexiu and peck last night for dinner. then we went singing. yup. but yeah... it was a happy meet up. but in the end i got to know matters that i think perhaps i should just stay out of, or rather even to KNOW about them.

yeah. inevitably. it's about the club again. club again. club again. club again. why do they have so much problems? i don't know. haiiiiiii. this year, we've new inclusion. yup. more mentors. 3 ex main comm. but all were held up with ltc. and without wallace, i realised things couldnt function. because the only ppl they could communicate with, is wallace lim. mr tan and mag hor in fact became the opposing team and the obstables they have to pass. how sad. frankly speaking, i would not say i know eveyrhting about wads happening... but just hearing about it makes me feel sad, and perhaps more of a disappointment. i wanted to help, but i don't know how. because i'd been away for too long. thats why i told ah peck last night, sometimes when thigns have passed for too long, it's not easy to be in control anymore. yeap. this applies to many things, to this as well.

finance. year plan. shouldnt bendy be helping? because... he was the ex pres of the club. but he was caught up and stressed up with ltc. everything asked, 'up to u la u're the pres' became the ans. i understand that perhaps this is a way not to get too involved and influence the decision of all. but it's not the way to help facilitate thinking. thats just telling me, if im the one listening, i cant be bothered and i've no say, u decide everything on ur own. alrights. then i realised, mentors are no longer in function if thats the case. cuz at the end of the day, no help is received in this way.

as the days went on. i just had the feeling that sister bendy and mic became project organisers like everyone else i the main comm, just that they're termed mentors. sigh. perhaps i've no say because i rejected the fact on being a mentor. but that nv meant, hey go away pls dun bother me. well, as usual, my meanings always get misunderstood. and the main ppl. wad are u all doing? i dont know.

the old has passed and the new has come. new way of regulations, new way of workin, new dynamics. so what can i say? i jsut feel sad that theyr'e not asking help when needed. and whether they're asking from the right ppl, and if the p and vp don't even talk to mr tan in the first place.... i dont see how this whole year is going to work. wallace is not the only advisor in the world. and i too feel that it's taxing him too much on his side. no wonder he wants a break.

sigh. pardon me. im speaking all in my own sense of thinking and feeling. ppl might say i dont even know wads going on, or i don't even know how they're feeling. alrights. accepted to all that. i just don't like it that evreything's still disorganised after a month. saa made the wrong choice to start AY early? or are we just incapable of catching up with the time. ha.

walked home with peck for 1 and half hours last night. from katong shopping centre to home. im still feeling very tired now. lethargic. not sure if im falling sick or wad. but just feel damn tired. emotinoally tired ba. my period of the year is here. to think about my life, reflect about the things i'm doing or have done. not pms. but im thinking. sigh. ppl wont understand wad the heck im talking la.

next week would be hard core. 915 to 615 everyday. but mondays and wed will need to be there at 830 for lesson. sat working too. then 2-6pm got some idiotic compulsory seminar that is not paid into my salary. and i may just miss sending deborah off. life sucks la. sigh. pissed. bad moooddddd.

i want to be cant be bothered. but sometimes, it's just so hard. like wad zw said, i cant run away. yes i can, more determination that is. lets just wait and see.