Any anti-depressants?

argh. i need some anti-depressant drugs. to calm myself and lift up my mood. getting so moody and tired this week. sigh. full of shit.

well. stomach's getting better. but the fear of having the same kinda weird pain again restricts me from eating anything funny. it's so annoying. i can no longer eat anything i want and i like. sigh. so this is how working life is like, shift working hrs with diff lunchtime does matter when it comes to stomach pain. oh man.

well. had a BIG fight with jeff last night. i guess very few ppl would have heard the harsh tone and loud voice that jeffrey kwek has. so tired. fought till 2 plus in the night. cried like mad. but sigh, wads unusual about crying these days. im gay when it comes to quarrelling and getting moody. ha. well. i don't know. maybe we'll decide to split. im not sure yet. just waiting and waiting, for the ans to drop from the sky and hit my head. i don't know.

work is becoming more and more stressful each day. well, im taking over one colleague's jobscope as she's leaving for ntu in july. sigh. i nv knew one could do so much nonsensical stuff during work other than normal duties. medisave, medifund, insurance, gurantors, bills, tax invoice... what the hell are these things man? sigh. my head cracks whenever i think about and look at them. today i had hands on, well, not really, but probably just copying pt's i/c and name and my own name and ic over and over again. tallying bills. faxing bills. wow. so admin kinda work. i felt like dying after slping insufficient hrs last night. well. that was wad i was doing the whole morning till lunch. and i still had work to finish, but thats when i have no more prescriptions to check. well, that equates to little time to finish up my own stuff. yes. sigh! kinda worried thati cant adapt. i seriously hate looking at digits, not to say bills. HOW.

lessons at work are becoming more intensive as well. other than theories, now im learning how to use eye drops, inhalers, ointments, syringes and other nonsensical stuff. so much things to absorb. HOW to? sigh. everytime after lesson, i've little brain cells left. other than that, i've all other extra things to do, and hear ppl asking me to pick up the phone being the operator, and calling drs whom some could be damn annoying and rude, and answering annoying ppl's phonecalls. sigh!!!! argh.

but it's challenging i should say. and being able to smile when one's feeling damn down deep inside is an art. and professionalism. ha. and thank god, i've met nice colleagues. and ppl almost my age to always be cheering me up and talking to me during work. that at least entertained me and lifted my spirits up a little. thank god for that.

and yeah. perhaps towards jeff. i'd been venting my frustrations. perhaps. well. im beginning to feel the self guilt in me. which is bad. i don't want and nv wanted to feel this way ever again. as though i caused eveything to happen on my own. sigh..... how to not feel this way? someone pls tell me.

argh. parents don't let me go bali or phuket. dangerous. i want to go.
sigh. to distress. bdae's coming, but im not really happy with my life right now. sigh. adapting period. god, please help.

cya.