Well...

Sunday. Went to sister's place and watched dvds and tv the whole day. Everything was fine. For the time being with them i guess.

Went to look for him at east coast after he ended work. but i guess... things just din work out the way we both wanted it to be. probably. i shouldnt be there at all. did not talk thruout the walk out to parkway. i felt really giddy while walking. nearly fell down from the stairs while walking up cuz i felt like i was slanting to one side. oh well. he wasnt there. went to toilet. thank god peck was there.

had a big fight after we reached home.

i guess we're just not meant to be? or probably... it's just me. He told me he felt for others. I was overpowering. yeah. probably why. Since when did i not wanted things my way? but that totally didn't mean... i din give my all in this r/s. I interpreted it that he found that i was being selfish to ask him to tell the boss he wanted to quit. think of the future.. what future do we have? i don't know. no longer have the slightest idea how is this gonna carry on.

It sucks, to realise how deep i've fell into this pit. insecurity just kept banging onto me. As much as i tried not to feel that way. Until he told me. Things to be done for me... are not urgent. probably. probably it's better not to promise and not do it in the end. promises are not meant to be broken.

Expectations. What does one expect from the other? too many to be listed. Too many quarrels, too many misunderstandings.. too many broken promises. I told myself before... i'll not take chances to get myself hurt again.

As usual. Once bitten twice shy? i guess i din understand this phrase completely. Pouring hearts out was never a wise move. It makes one vulnerable.

Sinee told me she heard it's good to be experienced in r/s by having more bfs. Trust me. It's never good. Cuz it simply means, you'll get hurt more often than usual. Until one fine day... one will not want to fall in love again. It just teaches one how to protect herself i guess. By not falling into it at all.

Sister told me, to give and take. sometimes people take one for granted. everyone has flaws. yup.. probably. probably it's me. i don't know. Jeffrey is Mr nice guy. so probably im the one who kept finding fault. maybe he's right. i no longer know wads going on. Well.. is that really the case?

I'll not cry myself to slp. And that may just mean i wont slp tonight. If i have to be independent from now on, I'll have to start from here.

That wall in me is building itself up again. One that i took such a long time to remove.