lala

hmmm. finally got a chance to update my blog. ahhhh. been busy. busy like HELl. i duno how to describe but it's just HELL busy. on sats and sunday, went to sch from 9am till 2am at night. except that sunday i reached there at 1 cuz i overslept. haaa. yeap. was preparing for arts fest, that has already started this week.

sigh. didn't turn out to be as spectacular as it was supposed to be. so disappointed. but of cuz, im not denying their efforts.. but.. i just couldnt figure out WHY.
had ppl complaining that asc ppl are spending too much time on arts fest? so now director's banning us from staying within the sch after 630. COOL. i shall really find out who were those who did it. sigh. disappointing yet once again.

this year's club.. sigh. everything just disappointed me. i duno.
i really duno. today went back to thre club room.. so where i havent set foot in for like.. 3 months.. i looked at the photos i once pined onto the board.. pics that all main comm took together. and things that i wrote, this is our clubroom, our asc. suddenly i felt like it isnt mine anymore. i felt really sad. cant help but teears just ran down my face once again.. I was full of hope and expectations when we started off this year... so many things happened, so many downfalls. i feel crashed. down down. i couldnt make things any better. after striving for a few months, slogging with sip and mp and asc, things nv got bettter. now our biggest event, seemed small. now shingo, left. subcomms, some left. what else can i do. nothing.

bendy ho shouted at me again on sunday night. i cried when i was back in the classroom cuz i was so angry and embarrassed. cuz he scolded me in front of a big bunch of ppl. say it that it's cuz of my pride, say it that im petty. but im really angry this time. how could anyone just scold a girl in public? and.. i spent my whole night sweeping the floor and clearing up the mess they've created.. yet not a single word of thank you. all i got was a scolding for delaying ppl to go home.. for like 5 min. im upset, now i still am. cuz it hit me hard that bendy ho nv changes. he'll always be like that. or.. does he only treat me this way? i feel sad. cuz i thot everything was going to get better. but in the end, he smashed it right into my face.. and said no no, i'll still be the annoying, insensitive and say wadever i want kinda guy. alright then. so be it. so i havent spoke to him since then.

jeffrey. sigh. am i causing so much heartache? unknowingly. i duno how to handle him. i feel tired. and sad. and angry that my character and personality, apparently.. has became the source of pain he always gets from. i dun understand. if it's that painful and miserable to be with me... why bother trying so hard now? if to him, i havent been trying my best to be a good gf.. then i guess i've no point in hanging on to him. it appeared to be he has done alot for me.. but me, not appreciative, and did nothing for him in return. i beg to differ. and i feel wronged. i've been trying hard toooo....... but as awlays the case, nobody bother taking another look at me and tell me grace, thanks for the effort, we see it.

im disappointed. and down. as usual. dun want to say anything morel. cuz apparently, i hate to convey messages on blogs. cuz i wont want others to do it on me. cuz it's really sadddening, that they cant talk to me face t oface. oh well. i suck i know. thats why, perhaps it's always hard to talk to me. right? alright then....

i'll choose to slppppp nowadays. cuz no matter how much i slp, i just get more and more tired each day. esp now when im over at the drug information section.. whereby we gotta do research on the diff given qns.. wa lao.. and everyday got discussion with the pharmacist regarding on wad we've found. this is so stressful. so practically, i'd been burying myself in books and websites these few days. gets me really tired. =(

i pray hard for arts alive. hopefully the last 2 days it'd be a blast that everyone would know wad to do and yes, this wiull still remain as the big bang of the club this year. i sincerely pray that this wll happen. and my proj.. yes, im presenting next fri. wa lao, damn scary la. this stupid customer satisfaction survey. =( sucks man. hmmmm

gdnight.