what can i say.

I was supposed to say, YAY im damn happy cuz i finally booked tickets for bangkok.
In the end, out of playfulness, i said something else.
it was just meant to be a joke. though i meant it i am happy, but thats not wad i wanted to say.

no time.. no time.. no time.
is it the busi-ness of life that makes things so difficult..
or is it the unwillingness to find time.
i always wondered, and today i finally said it out.

you have nothing left to say.
so am i.

what can i say?
say the fact that i'd been waiting.
and the fact that it's damn tiring trying to find out whats going on..
but i did not probe because of his busy lifestyle, followed by exams..
but that does not mean you can take me for granted.

not at your beck and call.
at leasst, not going to be anymore.
if i cant even have that faith to hold on to you....
how can i be holding on.
what will give me the strength.

and the faith ain't imagined and created on my own..
it's something that needs to be cultivated, assured, reassured.
but.. isn't it sad that i'm not getting any.

it's that simple you know.
Yes or No.
if you have no time for me, means it's a No.
why was i so stupid to even tell myself that perhaps it's a yes?
why did i still believe?

my mind is in a mess right now.
cant think, cant process.
seriously, we need to talk.
so that i could stop guessing, stop wondering..
stop wanting.

fucked up. sigh.
whatever.