In doubt.

overwhelming once again.
everything is just making my brain.. very tired.
haha. not emo-ing, but im sure it's gonna be that way soon.

1. QSS

what is this man. sigh. tell me that things are going to work out fine. nowadays this kinda reassurance is no longer affirming and make me feel any better. cuz i know. it's not going to turn out that way... unless we do something about it.
but question is, what shall we do?
to make or to break? burning question in me. but until now, i still do not have an answer.
MJR's camp is going to be last one im doing. for qss.
looking at this, once again, it's just sis and myself. how to do.
i do not like it when im dreading for things to happen.
how can i be dreading an event, a camp, something that we loved to do?
i used to be filled with excitement, anxiety, and drive and motivation.
right now, it's nothing but praying for swine flu to happen, so that events get cancelled.
how pathetic.

it's utterly demoralising. and i have no idea how much morale we're left with to be depleted day by day. if there are values to it, perhaps it's already in negative counts.

isit our fault to accept a deal without consulting others?
what was the last consensus about running camps and accepting deals?
i don't even remember.

was thrown a qns recently by jiaseng. why did we form a team like that?
kong happily said it's for fun and laughter to get together to do things.
these words were stuck in my throat, and i swallowed back in again.
i don't have the cheeks to say of that now.
cuz... whats happening now is definitely not the case.
so.. what do we want. what do i want?
i want to continue running camps, doing things that i like and enjoy.
even if it's not gonna be with these ppl i thought will work with me, i'll still try to go on.
and fact is, i don't know if im enjoying what we're doing now.
the part about not having supportive team members is really disturbing,
and dragging everything down from me.

im seeing those 2 persons all the time. wallace and juve.
but there was nv one day or one chance that we talked about qss.
how am i suppsed to open my golden mouth and ask.
when im so afraid to hear whats gonna come out from them.
lacking of courage to face the truth hurts.

2. ice cream.
stuck with no external sales, lousy lab results.
this is going nowhere.
everyday im racking my brain trying to troubleshoot on the lab results.
its not easy because i'm new, and the experts arent finding an answer.
but i have to think, because i need to know the answer.

sales is coming up. posters, publicity, scheduling of students to sell, stocks take, money count, freezer, location, people, accounting. WOAH. it's incredibly tonnes of things to do.
i feel like im opening a business.
and everyday when i push my freezer around, i feel like my heart is dropping out.
cuz it looks really fragile. the wheel looks breakable anytime. SIGH.

i don't have enough stocks to supply for internal sales.
how.
don't know.

yupp. work is not going on too well. but im still enjoying the challenges faced. its.. exciting huh.
brainstorming and troubleshooting. it's annoying, but it makes me think.

3. studies club.

new team is formed. had the first informal meeting.
i wasnt harsh enough, im sure of that.
i don't want to look biased towards anyone, so i chose to walk away.
keeping a distance is hard.
and not acknowledging is hard too.
work is work, and when it gets personal, i'm sorry but i'm walking away.
was in church today, we should all accept the way ppl are.
and yeah yeah, easier said than done i know.
but it's also a point whereby we shouldnt try to be accepted by ppl, and be approved of our actions.
why try so hard. ppl should accept he way we are, if not, then.. too bad. i wont give a damn about these ppl anymore. and im sure i will.

hi everyone, i'm one of the advisors of asc.
how nice it sounded. it's huge responsibility
and yes, im learning things from scratch.
what are the things to do, what not to do
i have not even have a clue, im being thrown to conduct a meeting.
notbad. exciting. but it got me all fidgety. great.
i... am not confident.
especially when im supposed to be the bridge for the mentors and the main comms.
how to? when.. i don't even wish to be the communicating tool for these ppl called mentors.
voluntary, not invited nor selected.
and.. when i have my own issues. how to do this properly?
mag hor said, this is ur biggest challenge this year then.
yep she hit right on the nail. i'll try. for now, for work, for asc. not for these ppl.

lala.
i'm damn tired.
i dont' want to talk about anyone else. all these things are throbbing enough.
lala. gdnight.