FJ chan

thats my new name.
Fanjian Chan. what an ugly name to start with.
let me appreciate the wonder of having a name called grace.

did everything that i liked today.
slept, ate. and continued sleeping.
went to travel agencies to check out my redang trip in may.
it's almost confirmed.
just waiting to get tickets soon.
shall go to the bank and do my accounts tomor morning.

ate in sketches in bugis.
i mean.. life is good when i can choose wadever i want in a dish.
thats the kinda pasta they have.
even though, i would say it's not that fantastic.

walked home with peck.
and shes slpping on my bed now.
havent seen her slept so much from the first day i knew her.
guess the camp plus work plus overnight seriously worn her out.
well.. sometimes i'll think to myself, what for?

watched some random old hongkong show.
mo mo cha. HAHA. so stupid.
but i had a good laugh watching. though.. it's not that funny.

tried my best to stop thinking about things.
whether it's been right or wrong.
whether it's 1 week to week zero..
whether the people are well prepared at all.
whether they are resting well at home.
i should, once and for all, stop myself from thinking.
what for?

as though...
thinking will help things to become better anyway.
sometimes it's hard.
letting it be, it becomes we dont give a damn.
stepping foot into it, we get blamed when things don't go well.
i do not know.
and hate the fact that i have to keep harping on it.
because, until i get a proper line drawn on my role, i'll be stuck in this dilemma.
what are we to do?

Passion is the word.
passion to learn. passion to make ppl learn.
passion to make things run.
passion to make ppl grow.

my hands are not big enough to hold all when things don't go well.
my heart is not big enough to accomodate all that are weak.
after a night's sleep and a day's rest.
im thinking, isit because i'm just incompetent?
the language, the approach, the way we did it.
will ppl see that heart of ours, and start looking big?
instead of always focusing on the most unimportant things.

im sorry. that i wasnt able to deliver the message well enough.
i thought i was able to.

monday i'll be back in sch.
getting myself once again in that dilemma.
to see or not to see?
to ask or not to ask?
to help or not to help?
if the heart is for it, im all ready.
but when the hearts are not, i hesitate.

i hope the weekend will be good for me to think it thru.
the happy grace will be back again. =)
i just need more shows like the mo mo cha.
now u know why im called the FJ chan.

wallace will be gone from tomor till the 21st April.
perhaps it's a good thing after all.
i do not know.
i only know i'll have to go church myself.
i cant possibly be skipping church 3 weeks in a row just because i don't have company.
Im now praying for determination to make it to church on sunday.

lala.
i want my bed or tv now.
either one is good enough. haha. im so retarded sometimes.
just let me go to the beachy redang soon.
and i'll be a happy girl all over again.
it's been far too long since i took leave and go for a break.

i've understood some things recently.
we cant change one's character. we can only understand.
And with understanding, both parties shall give and take.
if one cant do it, the other shall help to fill up the holes.
it's as simple as that. but often, humans like to complicate ourselves.
and hoping to change one's character tats been there for almost 20 years over a 4D3N camp.

we should always ask ourselves one qns:
Can we remove our flaws and change overnight?
If we can, then we have the right to comment on others.
If we cannot, what right do we have to even remain angry for the longest time?
i do not know.
if projects like these could easily spoil a friendship, perhaps foundation wasnt strong at all.
i just couldnt stand it when some people could just point out all flaws in others, but not reflecting upon themselves.

SO many are doing that.

what an eyesore. so i decided not to see or look at all.

god. im feeling really bad.
MAYYYYYY, i need you to come badly. APril shall be over in a blink of an eye.
and everything will come to an end.
school will once again be peaceful again.
lonely yes definitely, but it may be better than how im feeling now.

lalalalalalallalalala.
FJ chan is acting up again!

rights. im retarded.
Goodnight.