went to church this morning.
service was at 830am, and i woke up at 8.
thank god wallace had a car. haha.
my concentration in church today was bad.
had no idea why, but was damn tired.
kept dozing off during the sermon. sigh depressing.
i hate that kinda attitude of myself. brrr.
was made to think back on year 2008.
since its the last sunday of year 2008.
went thru a lot. a superbly tough year for many of us.
too many events to account to highlight the year.
sigh. that made me rather nostalgic for a moment.
im really hoping to feel better in year 2009.
it's damn hard to have a proper cross over.
things that thrashed me real hard.
1) break up
i'll not say im totally fine and happy now. but i'd say im happier.
it's been more than half a year..
if im not better, i think i'll need to see some dr soon. HAHA.
but of course. when u think back.
it still pricks.
especially hearing the same few lines from another person's story.
thats kinda sad. how dumb was i.
its.. indescribible.
i wished i was less gullible in the world of relationship.
i wished i had a stronger armour that could help me with this.
all in all, it just felt like another stupid sob story.
but of course, i've long decided not to dwell on it. not to have any sense of self pity.
not to even think that this is the worst for me compared to many others living their lives.
i always tell myself.
everyone has their own sob stories.
if they can get over it, why cant i?
i believe 2009'll be great in this aspect.
i seriouisly need to be stronger soon. =)
no more getting emo over sad songs, and reacting to stupid familiar conversations.
2) ths loss of my beloved dog
it came right after my breakup.
the only time ithought i needed my dog more than a bf. HAHA.
thats so true. bfs doesnt last most of the time. =) even a dog meant more.
i remembered myself crying myself to slp every single night thruout the week
with my mum seriously crying in bed too. that feeling was DAMN sucky.
i just wished all these nv happened. and i qns, why did all this have to happen to me?
thank god. i found it back. that made me realise life wwasnt so bad after all.
cuz all in all, we'll see sunshine after the rain. thats exactly what it meant. =)
3) hospitalisation
the only moment in my life that i thought my health would thrash me real hard.
the kinda fear i had sleeping on a hosp bed not knowing my own condiition sucked the most.
yeah yeah. bad things just kept happening!
once again, follow-ups went on for weeks and months. and diagnosed to be nothing. how cool. =)
im a lucky girl after all YES.
4) QSS camp
planning for this camp was the toughest i've ever had. so much rantings, complaints, lethargy.. unappreciation.. tears etc. what else could there be? something that could make me be emo and cry to death. HAHA.
but that was a great experience. with my belov ed few. experience that made us stronger, closer. and it's perhaps one of the greatest thing that i think i've acheived this year. =)
all these were basically more on the emotional side.
but they're good enough to make me cry. HAHA.
but trust me. even if i really cry, thats because im thankful that i went thru them.
putting the tears i shed aside, these events made me a better person in many ways. im glad i did. even for the breakup. im so sure, it's for the better.
i had holy communion in church today.
thats the first time doing it after almost 2 years.
i cried. cuz i really feel that im back. that felt so real.
and i also do realise how much i miss my old church.
sigh.
EMO.
brrrr. year 2009 will be better. it WILL BE. haha.
wonder what lies ahead. hopefully lesser heartaches. brrr.
shall talk more another time. i wasnt to watch tv. HAHA.
will update onj this weekend soon. =)
nights!
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