-teach me please-

it's about 3am.
just got back not long ago.
well. longgggg night.
so much things running on my mind now.
thats keeping me wide awake despite the tired eyes crying out to me for slp.

weak minded me.
yup. decided to meet up and behave like normal.
i think im retarded sometimes.
wallace lim. having a bro like you makes me a retardddd.

im sorry. but seriously wasnt in the mood to be talking about emo stuff today.
cuz anytime i may just break down and cry.
i hate to show that weak side of me. so i'd rather be all smiley and bimbotic.
once again, the other side of me helps to shield away all these embarrassing scenes.

the freaking 2 hours at expo was damn good for a thrashout talk.
but i thought. what for?
as if anything would change him. as if saying it would make me feel any better.
im not jealous for goodness sake. over such things. it's DAMN STUPID.
believe it and suck it up pls.
if im to be so childish until that extent, i wish god puts me back to time when im in sec sch.

just.. didn't want to talk about it.
im sorry if poker face wasnt shown on me. im just not good at that.
my forte is to pretend nothing has happened and move on with life.
thats how peck talks about me with her sarcastic tone all the time.
think im a fake shit sometimes. but who cares.

'im utterly disgusted with you'
thats probably the worst thing i've said today.
it's that MILD. loserfied. but im sorry.
not able to get it out my chest. it's just too many things on my mind.
being pacified is not what i want. being a subtractor is not what i want too.
makes ppl feel bad whenever these words have to come up to my mind.
im sorry. for causing so much trouble. guess it had been quite torturing tolerating my crap.
i promise i'll watch my words next time. or rather, not whine.

as for him. seriously.. not talking is my best way to show i cant be bothered anymore.
but perhaps, he's just not getting it.. AGAIN. well. whatever.

long emo night session back in tp.
though it's none of my business. but yeah i was back there.
just to see some that i see rather dear to me at least. worried. yes thats the word.
good 3 hrs talk.
those were the days. nostalgic as it is.
everyone has their side of story.
every year thats diff set of stories.
but when u look at it. it always boils down only certain factors.
easily said, but hard to be done.

theres absolutely nothing wrong having high expectations.
absolutely nothing wrong with pointing out mistakes.
but i guess. the communication bridge was not there.
so all has fallen down into the river.
of course. the two sides of the ground are not even balanced in the frist place.
i may not know much. but have seen much of it.
experiences tell the most things.

talked to mr president for the night.
not able to trust sucks.
not able to believe there'll be someone to hold on to when he falls, sucks.
not able to do mp in time sucks.
not able to be involved sucks too.
i went thru it. same old thing. but just a diff person experiencing it.
hope the talk helped. but all depends on himself.
the leader of the unpolished diamonds.
the need to be willing to learn,
the need to be willing to perservere somemore for things that perhaps 'were' once impt.
most difficult of all, is to NOT cry when all are down and in despair.

blahhhhh.

nostalgic.
the same old things that i told myself over and ovr again
back then when i was in sip.
i know im stronger now. i wish he'll be stronger too.
sometimes.. i wish im nv reminded of all the most difficult times back in sch.
i dont wish to rem the times i cried, the times i shouted, i died working, i fought.
god. thinking about it makes me feel tired.
i dont want others to go thru the same like wad i did. too tough a road to walk on.

brrr.
lousy night.
lousy mood.
lousy timing of the night which ppl get most emo.
brrr.

rights. time out for asc.
it's time for my happy things.
----> i bought a mp3 and hard disk!!! total 200 bucks.
god im freaking damn broke.
mummy gotta support me a little if i go all broke.
but im happy. Happier. retail therapy helps a little.

'NOT STOPPING MEANS ALLOWING'

thats SO true. to many things happening right now. phrase of the day. =(

nights. damn tired. my stupid dog is taking over my bed. BRR WEWE!!!!