No regrets

YAWN.. it's 1am now.
im freaking darn tired. i think this can become my very own motto soon.
cuz i say it everyday.

saw dr this afternoon. my appt.
well. all is fine. i finally don't have to go back anymore for that random stomach pain
that happened just in july.
thank god.

finally decided to face the light.
sent the email that i wanted to send for sucha long time.
explained all that i needed to.
though i know no explanation is going to make him feel better.
not even im sorry.

not sure why.
i realised that i'd been the most foolish person for the past few months.
not knowing wad i want, just doing things that i thought i'd want to do..
and always not bening able to make up my mind.. when i alr knew what i truly want.
it's confusing right. definitely, cuz i hadnt been in the right mind.

but somehow.
suddenly, its like as though i saw the light.
i've finally decided to get my butt moving and set things right.
to go for interview, to reduce drinking, save more money, to stop leading the guy on.
i know i've to do it somehow. so that, next year i'll live a better life
and be a better person.

it feels like shit to feel guilty
and it definitelly feels worse when u realise u're not as strong as u think.
weak heart brings one nowhere.

but since i've walked this far.. i shall have no regrets on what i've done.
and wad im doing too..
i shall just go back to church la..
it's time to get out of all this crap.
sigh.
i need a purpose in life.

anyway. yup.

i NEED slp.
gdnight.