Woah.

yeah. i'm finally back alive.

bdae passed. ltc passed. everything passed. haha.

bdae was just like a daily thing to me. i din feel that special on this day anymore. so. haha nothing much to talk about.

but anyways. most recent thing to update. LTC that just passed for one day. well, i personally had one of a kind experience on my own. haha.

lemme tell u why:

ONE:
i nv thought i could have such a good sense of direction. (though it's trained by going there to trek and cycle for like 2 weeks) i brought my kids who were barely 17 years old, safely to and fro ubin. felt the heavy responsibility. more than a week zero organiser, more than a vp. cuz i knew, only i knew the way out of these 12 ppl in a team. ha. i walked ahead of them, shining into the darkness, with my own fears in me. wondering wads ahead. but all i did was to believe myself that my route was right. wadever ahead, i'll just have to face it. the whole time, this thought was in me. nightwalk was equally scary to me.

TWO:
i conducted all the games myself. set my own rules, impressed by my change readiness that was trained in the 3 years of my life in the club. and made ppl obey to my rules, if not, they know wad i could do to them. HAHA.
even when in doubt, i sounded as though i knew everything i was doing. frankly speaking, i was bullshitting at some point of time. but being kids, they were naive enough to be impressed by me. so cute.

THREE:
impressed by my energy level. to be facilitating the whole time and watching out safety. until i finally died when we reached the end point.

FOUR:
i could do better debriefs now. i realised things i've learnt were not in vain. cuz i finally knew how to apply. =)

FIVE:
i did the bravest thing i'd ever do in my life. one incident was that at some private property that no matter what we had to walk thru in order to cont with the night walk, the dogs there were being weird. howling and barking like crazy, as we got nearer, they got louder. until the point of time, the kids were totally frightened, and i told them to stop moving. cuz... i was damn bloody frightened too. but i had no choice, somehting just told me from inside that i had to check this out, if not we'll nv complete this. i dragged mark tan to go ahead with me. with azuan to take care of the frightened ppl aat the back not moving. as we walked, and shined our torchlights, the freaking dog started barking and charged towards us. to my horror, bloody mark tan couldnt see the freaking dog at all, which i believed his night vision was probably worse than mine. all i could say was omg the bloody dog's coming!!!! we stood still. i stood behind mark tan. and watched the dog ran towards us. though it was like in split seconds, that moment felt like forever. OMG. thank god. just like how i desperately was praying that god please put a stop to all these scary things. a man appeared from the house and halted the dog's actions. thank god. and yes, the dog realised we're nice ppl. so they let us pass. and i went on to fetch my kids, with my legs both trembling in fear. that was the bravest act of my life. it made me realise, if im the fa, i've to be the first to die or sacrifice. in a crude way if it has to be. yes. just like my years in studies club. ha. but it nv did appear that obviously in front of my very eyes. haha.

next, i layed the solo walk trail with azuan. trust me. i was terrified. but i had to do it. i knew it. i cant turn back anymore. and switching on and off the lights were not FUNNY matter at all. cuz i nv knew what i could see once i switch it on again. thinking back still stuns me. =( but i did it. and the brave kids did it too by walking thru the whole thing not switching on the lights at all. though i did allow them to switch it on if they're really afraid. but they're very brave. i was impressed. =)

SIx:
having scolded the most number of F words for a ver long time. yeah. towards bendy ho. i agree that was totally unethical and unprofessional to have done that in front of the kids. but i couldnt help it. it was just infuriating enough to have a guy to say fuck u to me. ha. im mad. well. it's nothing to be proud of though. haha.

well. end of story. learnt alot about myself thru the camp. nv knew i could be another person like that in such envt. thought i'd have died. din understand how that amount of courage come into me. i nv understood it. but i onnly know i did my part to my best, and im proud of myself.

poor main comms. but trust me, this was a perfect learning experience. learn it and love it. cuz that might not be another chance anymore. because, it's once and for all. a wake up call. they're fortunate to have such things going on. wad was it for us? the previous batch? we learn and change as we go. nv knew our flaws so early in the year to salvage all the nonsensical things we did in our projects.

anywya. i think im still running fever. time to go and rest. grace is a good girl. =) gdnight. i love jeffrey.