mood swings

ayes. having attitude problem again. feeling freaking sian. sighhhh.

met up with zw last night to have our last dinner together before he enters army on thurs. hai. how i would miss him. =( haha. i managed to get the ddr cd for ps2. and we played at my hse last night. but it got me damn tired this morning. now im like practically dead. sighhh.

work today was disgusting. until like the 4th day of my period and i was still suffering from cramps and giddiness. felt crappy. and the whole world just went 'grace, grace grace........grace....' or 'can u help me call this.... call that.....' wa lao. hello for goodness sake. im for freaking sake a new girl at work. at least. for just these 2 days after i was given permission to call the stupid drs. wa lao.. apparently i became the phone person. everything ask grace to do. hello do i look that free to them? it sucks la. working in the adult world. u just have to smile and say Orh okie! even when u feel disgusted inside. today i even had to chase after an aunty to pass her back her prescription. all the way up the escalator. yeah, with my breaking legs.
really. i cant see myself working long term here. it's simply no way. sighhhhhh. i want to find a job that does event planning. perhaps thats reallyu wad i want. this job's so not for me. standing for 8 hrs everyday is disgusting. sigh. i bet everyone has no life u know. all go home and slp after work. siGH. now my future is becoming more and more unpredictable. and.. perhaps im afraid of wad is to come.

well. went to PS today with jeff. he bought a mp3 with his pay from the restaurant. i wanted to buy some stuff for myself. but apparently i didn't. bought necessities yes. not my wants. sigh. ever since i got my pay i stopped getting allowances from my parents. and had to pay travelling expenses on my own as well. i guess im spoilt ever since the start of time. cuz.. im having serious problem adpating to all these new philosophies in life, working life, and hello, being a new staff kinda life. even if i have a little bit of extra money. i would rather keep and anticipate the 'just in case' scenario. feeling really really broke. cuz i know tomor i wont be getting extra ten bucks or more from money, cuz i know tomor i'll have to top up my ezlink card again. everytime before i get my pay, i'll start to calculate and draft out wad are the essential things i need to settle... and the rest, BLANK. ha. sucks la. stressed over money. stressed over the fact that after facing medicine the hwole day i've to go back to my grandma's house and start preparing 7 days of medication for her. i know im not supposed to complain. but.. sigh. im just sick of seeing tablets i guess. got so grumpy and stressed that i started crying just now. and ho ho, jeff got pissed off. i don't know why he did. probably irritated by me ba, cuz i refused to say anything.

yeah i agree. sometimes pride just get in my way. refuse to admit that im weak and probably tired. disgusting fellow. sigh.

had been reading bit by bit of the book that mr tan gave me. apparently, i realised, probably i had been the difficult person to work with all along. so much for bendy ho, so much for anyone else. yeah. maybe i am the one. cuz i was the one who kept harping on the past, and proabbly nv moved on. and my attitude probably crewated all the negative feelings in others, that made them become difficult too. haha. im enlightened. but sadly, im not happy at all. cuz feeling guilty. sigh. i wonder why mr tan gave me that book in the first place. well. now it's all too late to say anything now.

LTC is in progress. so many things lined up for me. how to cope. im seriously doubting my own abilities now. probably im weak by nature? all along always tried to be strong. and now subconsciously, i decided to take a break. thats why whenever im doing more than wad im supposed to do.. i feel tired. not motivated at all. bloody hell. so depressing. sigh.

i agree. who would know wad im feeling if i nv did say it out? it always turn out that way for many ppl didn't it? ha. i don't know. but sorry. it's hard to cough out the phelgm sometimes. proabably need some pill to dissolve the phelgm before it could make anyone feel better. omg. im speaking like a PT. that sucks. im going nuts. HA. bye.