Disappointment

WEnt to brother's ROM today. he looked rather handsome. haha. and my sis-inlaw was very pretty too. oh well. it was quite sweet to see them getting married. so weird, yet i felt rather happy for them. they seemed so blessed and happy. went to Jumbo seafood restaurant for dinner at clark quay.. overall the meal was not bad. i guess. haha. just that my family seemed rather unfriendly. haha. as usual la. anti-social and shy bunch of ppl. my dad was damn cute today. it's been DAMN long since i last talked to him. because frankly speaking, i havent seen him in weeks.

and. all the time i was worrying about school. how was shuhui doibng and how was everyone doing. felt bad for leaving her alone in sch. but i guess she and the rest of the log comm handled it quite well. so we actually din need to be there.

but. i was very disappointed. the musical storm bunch of ppl, took the pails to play the storm again. this time round, it was deborah who broke the pail. im damn disappointed with all these ppl. they simply could not follow simple instruction: dun touch my pails AGAIN, whatever happens, use ur own pails. nope. they forgot all. or simply din bother about wad i said to them in the first place. to them, perhaps i was just like a mad dog screaming my head off like an idiot. and no one bothered informing shuhui that they're using the pails. just because they NEEDED the freaking sound to be the same as the real day, they broke the precious pails again. freak it la okie. i dun give a shit about thigns sounding the same during practice. if really so particular about it, for goodness and HELL sake, go and get the bloody pails themselves. BLOODY pails i mean. and the main comms, no one bothered about wad i said. as much as i complained, as much as i told them. seeing ppl take the pails to practise. no one bothered..... fine.... alrights, now everything is in their hands. they can do wadever they want. perhaps, thats the worst thing that i can be feeling now. yup. no one bothered. at all. thinking that im spouting nonsense all the time. oh well.

no one have any idea how upset i am. im just freakingly irritated. and sad that these ppl just WONT learn. nic has ap, farid has it too. leslie duno wads happening all the time. peck dun bother anything that doesnt concern her for the club, of cuz she cares for me. but not sure how much for the club. liwei probably would follow nic. shuhui is a damn poor soul who works her lungs and body out every minute and getting sick. alfred helps, but not too much. adelyn and clement, i dun see them around most of the time. fahfah, always at work. mic, forever soft hearted and being damn poor thing as well. juexiu, too taxed with her own share of work already, and sister, i duno wads happening anyway. eugene? follows evebryone else, or join in the fun. dun listen to instructions, many of them do. wads this? the club is going downhill man. in terms of character development, we're nothing. so much for fantastic projects. but with so much admin not done well, late submissions, misuse of money, memos.... what else do they want. Mr tan is arleady so unhappy. wad else do these ppl want. tell me oh God. iv'e had enough of all these. perhaps it doesnt matter hell to them. but to me, it's like, i just lost something very precious to me. yup. totally lost it. my goals, everything else that i ever wanted evrything to be, i lost it.

crying so much now. if no one even bothers, why should i? because im always such an idiot. feeling damn fucked up now. din pick up wallace's call when he called. dun want to talk about it. wadever. perhaps im too much of a busybody. i duno. i duno.

failure la. i had been abig one. should have just let this go darn long ago. i should not have joined in the first place. it's causing me so much heartache these days.

fought with jeff just now too. he's changed too. no longer like last time. nowadays, i feel like i gotta beg him sometimes to stop wadever he's doing and talk to me. talking is enough. as long as he talks to me. but right now, i dun even know if he really understands why am i sad and wads all this fuss about. if he cant be bothered as well, i beg him, pls leave me alone. putting in too much effort into anything, kills. because, one simply just keep throwing in bits and bits of his heart and soul, yet realising it cant be stopped anymore. until one fine day. something must knock one damn Hard to realise, perhaps we try too hard.

if im to cry during week zero. perhaps. it might not be the tears i cant bear to leave the club. i'd just miss the days i had with zhiwei, juexiu, sister, my dear michael, bendy, and peck. Azuan and deb too. the rest, perhas i'll feel happier to leave the club, yes forever man. i dun want to stay here anymore. 2 more weeks till everything ends.

theres no teamwork in this. definitely. im disgusted by how everyone behaves. fuck it la. i broke my belt today anyway. fuck it too. just rememebered.

not fussy over pails loss. but over how ppl just dun listen. and the cant be bothered attitude. paying us back or replacing would solve the problem? no way, because the same things will keep happening next AY, until they realise every property has been destroyed. and ppl become defiant and AP. yup thats the way AS is goibng now. if thats cool, wallace lim, good luck. i give up. the wose orientation i ever had in my entire poly life.

im sad. but jeff guessed that im tired. he doesnt know. he doesnt probe. well. perhaps thats him. but im sorry... i cant say everything out, it's just not me.