Stuck

Had a really bad day at work yesterday.
First was an early morning information that they have decided to take me out on OCP this time round.

Next, was a long meeting discussing on how we shd set up financial system in KW.
My head just grew much bigger after trying DAMN hard to uds Mark Tan and Boss's conversation.
Felt that this is definitely an uptown task for me. worst than doing anything.
I have to complete this with MT's help in 2 weeks.
I don't know if i can do it though.

I only know - right now whatever thats tasked to me, i'm reluctant to do it.
It is sad that due to whatveer reasons bosses had, I had to take the back seat on something that i have done and put in effort for.
So much for the next OCP that i can participate, that'll be another 1 year's time.
i don't even know if i'm still here.
so yup. SIU. it's over.
but disappointment will last for quite awhile.
and that will cause me to lose heart in most things i'm doing here - not that i'm not already having this problem.

after this entire financial system has been set up, i'm not sure if staying is still for me.
many others had been tellig me that I need to go out and try out other jobs.
at least doing things that i want to do for a long time, seize it when i'm young.
but can i do that before april next year?
is it right to leave the entire orientation team now when they've barely started?

If i'm to leave, who will take over?
perhaps, that is not fair to TKB and the kids.
now the 2Ps are creating havoc in readjusting my entire planning comm for week 0.
While i respect her decision, i note that she can be cross the line at times.
It will be difficult if i am to hold meeting for 15 persons all the time.
All i want - 6 organisers hold 1 committee each, and I meet these 6 for meeting.
that is the most i can give.
other than that, they should jsut go fly kite.
it is annoying having an entire bunch of people who've no idea how tough it is to manage 6 people in a team already, and there're already tonnes of things to do.

And afterall, after years of orientation, what has changed?
on my resume, it will just be tonnes of orientation - but all will look the same to employer.
why do i work so hard for!

now i don't know what i should do.
where i should go.

tired of thinking.