Down down down

feeling really down.

my baby is annoying me big time. Stop crying!
but somethign amazing about him is,
given 5 months of age, he is able to walk forward!
well of cuz with my help to hold him up.
but the first step always matters the most. =)

i dont understand babies at all.
why does he like to cry so much??
it's rather laughable though.
because i cant be angry with a baby boy.

cryyyyy until he gets his way.
babies are given the privilege for that.
not grown up humans.
too bad.

i'm really in a bad state.
whole day wondering what the hell am i doing here.
why should i be here when it feels like, i don't have to be here.
seeing things arent making me happy at all.
whats with the drastic change of attitude and expression?
close one eye? im closing both and im still having that freaked up feeling.

so what now. talk about appreciating ppl's efforts.
sure. mine wasnt effort.
mine was just barging into other ppl's lives and trying to make a difference.
i'm pissed. not annoyed, pissed.

what have i done utterly wrong that i don't even deserve a genuine smile and thank you.
if this is the way they want it to be, theres nothing i can do.

i wont be able to continue with qss this way.
swallowed enough.
now the reflux reaction is getting into me. big time.

really. it's fucking hard now.
this is no longer pms syndrome cuz it's been around for the longest time ever.

how to walk on. teach me.
i do not wish to pretend that i'm alright anymore.
it's fucking annoying.

am on the verge of telling tan kb i do not want this anymore.

cant believe this is what i've gotten.
a hi without even looking at my face.
thanks for that.
talk about efforts.

it sucks being treated like a total stranger.
now i know others do a better job in doing that than me.
i thought i could have done fairly well.

the freak annoying me.
redang come soon.
gdnight.