wa. I'm f-king tired.
so tired that i can say anything i want just right now.
it's 2am in the morning and im not sleeping.
usually i would be damn dead on the bed and god knows when tomor comes.
it's been a full blast 3 days of returning home at 1 and slping at 1 plus or two.
i know, im out of energy soon.
right now, im moving with my passion, and willingness to do things.
nothing in my physical body is pushing me to move forward.
i've ALOT of things to say, but don't know how.
A great surge of disappointment overwhelmed me today.
having to see the same old faces that i've seen over 2 years ONLY was bad.
a waking call for all of us.
for me, it's time to plunge right in and help in whatever i can. for friends yes.
for them, it's time to realise they seriously NEED help.
having mouths made of gold is just not helping.
ASc has always been the wonderful training ground for many.
for people in it, they learn to suck it up, and move on.
for peoplel ike me, i learn as i watch them grow.
once again, i'm witnessing the worst part of week zero planning.
it's normal, but it works differently for each individual.
how should we tackle the problem? THINK.
i guess, if it's just simply solving how to type out bloody telematch games, i'll do it.
but nope, it's always the people's problem.
relationships are at stake. friendships to be specific. then working relationship.
many thoughts are running in my mind right now.
that kept me awake even when my eyelids are being disobedient at this instant.
i seriously, feel for the kids.
sigh. my heart sank when i saw tears rolling down.
i asked myself, 'god, what have i done?'
feeling really bad. and once again it proved that walking away was nv the right choice.
Finally had a talk that i always wanted to. sharing thoughts was definitely essential.
it sucks to feel all alone doing everything, anything. i know.
but note: we're never doing things on our own. 'overwhlemed' can be a better word.
if we can take just 5 min to think through who had been doing this or that, we'll realise, we could have never done all these on our own.
whether contributions had been big or small, thats secondary.
in a team, there's bound to be differences in the way each person contributes to the project.
but i think the most impt thing is that we must recognise the effort.
people. recognise the need to COMMUNICATE.
even myself, is learning. but i do not wish to learn it the hard way.
Appreciate and be appreciated. thats exactly what i mean.
i always felt that if we really want to do something for somebody, we just do it.
if we need to be asked to help, i probably would be slping at home today instead of pasting newspaper the whole entire day.
im doing because i want to help. i don't need any form of obvious recognition that im helping and people appreciate it. because i know people are appreciating it even if no one says it.
sometimes, we need to feel instead of seeing and hearing things.
it gets tiring and frustrating if everything needs to be spelt and in black and white.
it takes 2 hands to clap. seriously.
so.... i guess sometimes we gotta give and take.
sigh. is it that hard? im not sure.
i'm just randomly typing out my thoughts. brain is not helping in organising right now.
feeling rather down.
hopefully things will pick up soon.
too many loose ends that require tightening.
this studies club is falling lah.
im disappointed. kids these days cannot make it.
we gotta beg poeple for things.
it's SO ANNOYING.
must we get advisor to call subcoms personally?
hEllo. talk about initiative.
though advisors.. well have nothing to start with.
rights. im going to bed. rest well and feel better tomorrow.
i need to go to church, seriously.
ulcer is hurting like crappy crab. DAMN SIAN.
it makes it even harder to smile on rainy days.
hur hur is all i can go.
not HEEHEE. cuz it hurts.
both the ulcer and my brain.
i'm happy if you're receptive and willing to learn.
for others that cant be bothered, we shall slap their faces and move on.
thats LIFE.
if we said we're here, we're here. no such things as wanting anything in return.
a simply thank you at end of everything is not even necessary,
if you have learnt and grown.
thats why we're here for.
gdnight.
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