In need of happy pills

morale's getting damn low.

it really sucks to be writing depressing entries over and over again
every single day.
it's no longer classified as whines and complaints.

sat at my office at 630pm today
and i seriously felt like crying.
damn tired. really DAMn tired.
everyday it feels like running a camp
and it's a one-man show.

immunity's low.
dizzy spells, headaches, cough, ALL coming at one time.
im praying for better health to fight this.
if im to fall sick now, im so sure im going to drop dead.

last min things come EVERYDAY.
bad things come EVERY now and then.
change-readiness. im damn well trained by now.
suck it up. is the 3 golden word phrase.

got a complaint letter from some tso today.
for me nearly spoiling the decontaminant machine in the lab.
told u one day i'll blow it up. basically it's just agar all stuck to the sides of the machine.
tedious cleaning yes, and i escaped cuz of orientation.
but cuz of that, u had to write a letter..
im not sure. but thats seriously not nice for new staff.
tell me PERSONALLY if you have to.
i didnt need a surprise lecture when i just stepped in, and thought i could finally have a break.
thanks.

yes, life is never a bed of roses.
especially when u're striving in a new job.
yes i know.
but i have the right to be unhappy havent i.

depressing spirit is going to be around for sometime.
but that doesnt mean the world will stop and wait ard for u.
so yes, i'll continue to work damn hard.
i'll NOT give up. it'll be laughable if i ever do.

thanks to all the support ppl are giving me.
i seriously need that. but i need more affirmation that im doing fine actually.
cuz i don't think i am. not even sure how am i supposed to know if im doing well.

saw him in sch today. din say hi.
not sure wad to say. but face had been rather black cuz of everything tts happening.
so.. might as well don't say anything.

whats a role of a mentor? i wonder.
isn't it a mentor's responsibility to step in when you realise the team is not doing well, or rather, at a loss?
or is the mentor only appearing when the team has to literally BEG u to appear.
im not sure. still thinking and processing.
well. i thought a mentor should be someone who helps the team to get back onto the path if they ever stray.
don't have to do everything for them, or do with them.
but to point out directions, and constantly showing support.
even by just asking how are u, how's things, team dynamics, popping by.
be contactable, be askable, be responsible.
it's that hard to achieve right.

thats why i say, everyone is ALWAYS learning.
no one's perfect, and it's hard trying to be.

i don't really know wad im saying. but it's okie.
just random thoughts.
i need ice kachang soon.

shall put a bigggg smile before i sign out. =D

love.