i need mr M

sigh. im depressed!

hate the way i spend money.
hate the way i say i'll save and spend it away.
hate it whenever i don't think before i pay.

hate the fact that i have to be so stressed in order to even start studying.
hate the fact that it's either studying or have fun going on trips.
hate the way i have to compromise on the way i live.... in order to get what i really need.
hate to always be facing reality that i can get nowhere, if i want to live my way of living... and to support family at thr same time.

i simply cant.
feeling thrashed every moment i've to be troubled over money.
it's been YEARs. why must i always live in sucha lifestyle.

but of course. to think about it.
i always told myself, i shouldnt ask why am i like that.
instead... work a way out of it.
im not sure if i can do it.
the fact about not being sure if i can do it pisses me off.
how can i be so unsure about myself?! brrrr.

brother is right that im a bloody spendthrift.
how can one that has worked for more than a year.. has no savings at all?
im a bloody retard.

and it's monday.
monday filled with lots of blues.
had bad cramps and day started damn busy right at 915am.
all the way till 6pm.
i had my beloved bro wallace to tell me hes not feeling good early morning.
guess everyones going along with the blues.
pts are coming to say farewell to me hUH.
cuz it's especially busy on the month that im leaving.
sighHhhh.

im in the midst of last 3 weeks of work.
its starting to be filled with many best wishes and farewells.
sigHHhh. God. don't let me be emo pls.

i need money.
i need to SAVE money.
i need to grow up.
real fast. since im alr so far behind many others.

i need to study.
i want to study.
i have to study.
i need more money.

who said money wasnt impt.
im lying if i said it's not.
it's necessary for living. but not the priority in life.
cuz i have to admit im living rather happily with a pay like that.
just osmeitmes, feeling unsatisfied and uncertain with future.
that makes me scared.

brr.
im talking too much today.
too much rantings. it's time to stop! HHAHA.
no dinenr tonight. HUNGRy. shall go slp.

nights!