Home sweet home

=) giving myself a deserving break. i'm back home by 830 tonight. went over to grandma's place for dinner and pack her med. had been feeling rather bad since i havent popped by for the past 2 over weeks though we're just a few blocks apart.

watching tv felt like the best time i've had so far. to be wondering why are the hosts of some random variety show getting more retarded these days and realising how long has it been since i last sat down like that after dinner to watch a decent tv prog.

how pathetic. i know.
though im out like everyday i feel i've no life.
no life of my own.
haha.

mum and dad are back from KL.
saw their luggage bags and shoes. but not them.
see la. haha parents are also like that.
once reached home, there they went out again. hahas....

oh well.
havent been feeling too good.
as usual. fretting over my usual emo-ing pointers.

added on new ones today.
heard that meli and gay broke up.
well. maybe it happened like donkey months ago, i wont know. cuz she din say.
and probably, on our part, we din bother asking.
somehow... expected things to turn out like that.

whats the most important thing one should be looking for in their partners?
i'm not sure.
love.. feelings.. security.. mutual trust and respect.. or just.. money?
financial status seems to matter these days.
maybe im still a greenhorn to this whole new society that im still in the midst of stepping into.
talked to my boss during our free time today. shes my friend more than a boss actually.
i asked, isit normal to be looking for financial security more than anything?
or perhaps, sometimes.. feelings like love don't even need to be included in the requirement.
sadly her answer is yes. thats the world these days.
and she said as i grow up somemore in the next 2 years, i shall not be surprised to see more ppl becoming more realistic.

yup. maybe. how are things gonna be in 2 years time?
i cant even see where will i be in half a year's time.
while others can say, they'll be studying halfway thru wadever course they're in...
working steadily in their wanted career, or at least wad they want now..
i cant speak of any.
probably still wondering what should i be doing.
hate it whenever im indecisive and not able to see wads going on for me.
i don't like to be not in control of my own life.

i'd been wondering.
why isit that i can see ppl dying for the one they love.
being sad.. crying.. simply cant get over things.
while i see some, moving on like no one's business after one r/s has ended.
so.. thats what ppl mean by diff ppl deal with things differently?
im not sure.
and i don't even know which category i belong.
there're prob one more that i fit in just nicely.
that is.. one thats more focused on her OWN life now. instead of attempting to share someone else's.

i shall not comment how diff ppl'd deal with their own lives..
cuz i can nv imagine myself being in their shoes.
or rather. i don't want to be.
guys and girls who hurt ppl all over... should just get away from the nicer ppl around.
cuz the nicer ppl tend to want to forgive and forget.
and this will make the ppl who hurt feel better, while those who forgive take time to heal their wounds.
i can say i no longer feel much for jeff. but it takes bloody long for that wound to be healed.
whenever i get reminded of it, it simply makes me weak.
whenever i snap out of it, i'll want to be stronger. so much so that im not sure why am i trying so hard for.

so. if ur heart's not in it. nv go too near those who're looking for the real ones.

wallace lim.
another prob of my life.
sometimes he's the most cranky but lovely bro, though DAMn seldom.
most of the time.. he can be the most annoying pain in the ass.
sigh.
i simply hate it when he acutally sends la la long emails.
cuz it always drives me speechless.
and as though.. im not doing things right.
in the midst of trying to be understanding and all..
once again i'll feel like same thing might just happen again.
u know.

haha.
people and people relationships.
btwn friends, bfs, gfs...
can be sOoOo complicating.

and ppl who don't share the same perspective, views, opinions in life..
who have diff financial level and spending..
nowadays even the way ppl dress or talk or behave,
become one major factor of how ppl can hang out tog for so long.
usually, ppl fall into their own cateogories. one kind.
how weird can relationships be.

i wonder!

hope tonight shall be the end of me wondering wads going on with life.
having lecture tomor.
damn sian.
not another day of waking up earlier than usual.
alrights.

shall go and do my own stuff before i turn in early.
nights!