...

all was good and fine. until last night.

i wished i nv knew. really. cuz once again, i found myself too trusting in others. even those closest to me feel so distant right now. it's always about this word, trust. why is this always happening to me. i'm like, asking myself the whole time, since last night, till now.


my life has became a teaching tool to tell others not to live like me. ha. how absurd and ridiculous. yeah. im sorry but perhaps i am having some shitty lifestyle down here. whatever it is, it's not right.


all these days made me realise that i'm not strong enough to be anyone's pillar of strength and comfort. im not good enough to be even just be beside them. always saying, i'll be here if u need me. yeah right, im not good enough.


always been telling others not to hurt the ppl around them, even if they're feeling upset. nv did realise i'd been doing such things too. to peck, to zw, i did the same. many times i awlays followed my heart, did wadever i want and said all that i thought was necessary to be honest. at the end of the day, wad have i achieved? nothing.


wallace is right. i cant even help myself. how am i in any position to be helping zw to get back on his feet again? thats how i've been living for the past 1 month plus. struggling to breathe a little more each time.


now i cant breathe anymore. feeling suffocated wherever i go. i guess thats it?


and seriously. for jx and zhiwei. i've no right to interfere in their lives or wad they want to do. but... how long will this last? i don't know. jx told me that i've no right to judge her since i don't know wad shes been thru. alrights then. great la both of you. the two worst ppl going thru the hardest time in life. i no longer care anymore. or should i say, i do not have anymore space or capacity in my big big heart for ur issues. if i can say, sometimes just telling her to f off would be a good idea. but too bad, im not that mean to say such things or to leave stupid nicks online to hurt others. wadever u know. sorry for being a bitch. but it's okie since i said i don't care.


my big heart has shrunk to the smallest that can only fit myself in right now.


wad can i believe in right now? wad wallace said is easy said than done. im losing it la. and seriously fucking tired of getting back on feet again. it's just damn tiring.


do not want to bother others right now. not even my dearest clar. cuz i do know how each of us have a fair share of problems to care abt.


not clubbing tomor. dear friend is so not feeling well. okie then. i shall just go home and slp.


if it's so hard to keep secrets and things confidential. i'd rather not say anything in the future. it's just getting harder to trust ppl each time.


darn tired. both physically and mentally. gdnight.


jx. stop freaking bothering me. one time said is good enough. just go hide in ur world of corner for now okie. i don't need ppl to tell me wad to do, or how are u dealing with ur life cuz of zw. i don't give a damn. i merely spoke up for someone who claimed that im his best friend. u're obviously not the only one being stressed and depressed, so stop crying out for helping hands. those hands are meant to help the real ones in need. there're ppl who cry out, but no one sees it. so dont tell me if i like this guy, go for him. don't freaking tell me not to drink too much, or freaking tell me u wont tell others. u know. they're not going to help. it's obviously not ur fault that the whole thing is happening. not urs alone at least.

so wadever. if u ever read this, suck it up and go away. im alr at my limit. since i do not know whens the next time u're going to surprise me by finding my blog here and start knowing new things all over again.


this is so screwed up. gdnight