I'm trying damn hard

Cant take it anymore. this shall be yet another depressing entry on my blog.

my mood today has gone down to the drain. feeling terrible right now, ever since having gotten drunk last night at double o. the many things that happened had not make me feel any better.

i thought i could handle the things in my life. all the unresolved and problematic issues, the heartaches, friendships and all. i thought i'm doing fine. at least i convinced myself that all is fine, everything, before this fateful week.

things just like to come one after another. right?

i thought i could handle the breakup. that it's okie to let sucha guy out of my life, cuz it's not worth keeping him around me anymore. i couldnt even if i wanted to. i thought i've picked myself up from the pit, and all ready to start a new life all over again. and forget about him, and her, and my pathetic crying face that showed up every now and then.

i thought i've always been good at planning, organising, and all. it was just a 60 men camp. didnot expect the turnout for so much crying, though brought us closer, but learning somemore facts about other ppl's lives inevitably caused me to feel worse. well. cuz i cant be a good enough friend to help or even say anything comforting?

i thought i'd be a good listening ear to my dear friends when they're down. i thought all my reasonings in life would help at least a little to help ppl be stronger.

but after last night. everything i thought i was doing well just shattered right before my eyes. could be cuz of the alcohol effect, could be these feelings had been bottled up for too long. so many could bes. i just broke down. its always the saddest thing to be crying after drinking. cuz the feeling somehow just didn't end there, it will just be brought over to the next day or even longer.

thats exactly whats happening right now. i'm feeling really down. last night was simply the catalyst that struck off everything. like a matchstick. haha.

ha. i'm confused with wadever i'm doing with my life. ha. a messed up lifestyle. i was wondering if i could ever do anything to help the ppl around me. at least to get rid of the depressed mood. but i couldnt. haha.

alrights. i shall just die off tog with all these feelings. at least for today.

cya.