Never mind, it's okay

Never mind, it's okay. I'd been telling myself that probably a hundred and one times for the past few days.

every morning when i open my eyes and head to work, i tell myself, it's okay. every night when i close my eyes and prepare to slp, i tell myself, it's okay. it's okay, i'm still breathing, im still living, life still goes on.

because of these continuous chanting, i havent been slping till one plus two or even later for the past few nights. made me so bloody tired, so lethargic. how i wish someone could just knock me out with a bat and let me slp soundly. without thinking of anything, or blaming anyone, including myself.

trying very hard, every single day, to pick myself up from where i fell. always wondered, how the heck did all these have to happen to me. but i contstantly reminded myself, this happens to ppl at diff moments in lives. trying DAMn hard to be optimistic abt life, and trust that i can still trust. or believe in anyone.

i smile, i laughed. i don't know if im faking it. i don't know if im really okie. by right, i should be crying like mad cow. but all these stopped since sunday night. felt like i stopped living as well. ha. now i sound really pathetic right, after losing a bf, i feel like i've lost eveyrthing in the world. i need to say, i only feel that i've lost the trust in ppl, lost the belief that i could still trust. that made me feel lik i've lost everything.

all these thinkings, obviously only appeared when im alone. haha. early in the morning, it welcomed me. at night, it acc me to slp. i'm so tired. really tired. still dying hard to accept the fact that, i've to learn to trust all over again. life really sucks being like that u konw. haha.

my closer friends at work had been a great help, for being retarded and making me laugh and entertained. had been receiving smses, eh how are u today? feeling better? YES, im better. all that i'd reply. with a smiley face, =). haha.

over and over again. evyertime, it just has to be worse.

so guys out there, don't tell girls to trust you when u simply cant be trusted. cuz you don't know how much these empty promises could hurt them.

it's wednesday night! tomor is labour day. im supposed to be out, but my friends wanted to go clubbing. so i gave it a miss. don't feel like entertaining ppl at all. but when i get home, im dying to get out of the house, yet having nowhere to go. wondering wad time i'll slp tonight. i promise i'll try to slp earlier. haha. =p

thank god it's labour day. thanks janelle for telling me i've become stronger! obviously. i wont die because of him. i'm going to live better anyway. it's just some transition time. go ahead and be with that girl whoever she is. it's not up to me to be bothered anymore. i just need time to get clearance from myself.

it's funny isn't it. overnight, my life changed. life can be so exciting sometimes. tomor someone may die, or the next min someone i love most might just be gone again. ha. such feelings can get so challenging sometimes.

well. just ignore my entries for now, they're probably going to be the most nonsensical entries ever, cuz i don't know wad im talking about. haha. bleah.

alrights. going off.. nights!