im feeling down

sigh. yesterday was supposed to be a great day for me i guesS? i duno. right now it doesnt really seem like it. sigh.

the movie james bond was like.. shit. sigh. we went to the new cathay at like 12pm.. then got the new thumbdrive. yet we waited for like 2 hours before the movie officially started. wa.. i hate to wait. the waiting time seriously drove me crazy. and the show was draggy and it wasnt even nice in the first place. i guess, it was a wrong choice to go. cuz i'd rather spend money and get a thumbdrive than to waste my saturday like that.

and. after tt we went to chinatown. i felt bad cuz i was being rather moody after the movie. and could see that jeff was trying hard to make me happier. but i would just have to say that i was Happy when i was over at chinatown. we drank shark fins soup.. went to buy the famous hotdog, lao po biscuit, some cheeseroll, coconut drink, blah blah. we saw damn nice figures made by silver wires and they're selilng it everywhere. wow. i wished i could have such good worksmanship when it comes to arts. =( haha. and there was this santarina suit which only cost 20 bucks. too bad we're not celebrating christmas. if not i think i would have bought it just for fun. ha.

after tt, we took a bus and changed train all the way to pasir ris to sharifah's house. i thought jeff was so sweet to follow me all the way to pasir ris as he still had to meet his friends over at bedok later. after reaching sharifah's house, it turned into a singing session la~~~ then after tt me zw, jx and peck gee n alfred went to play pool at downtown. Ho ho. it was okie la, i was quite happy to be in contact with pool after sucha long time.

but anyways. i thot things would end happily. but it did not. tlaked to jeff last night. and realised that he wasnt happy for the whole day. sigh. cuz things like he couldnt feel me, or my heart wasnt there when i was with him. instead, i was either thinking of something else, or i was thikning of joining the club ppl for jalan raya.

i duno. i felt that, why din he ask me how i was feeling. than assuming. i duno. until now when i think about it, im still mad. i admit, i was feeling bit sian that i couldnt join the rest, but that didnt mean i was just trying to make him happy to be there with him to be at chinatown and all. i thot everything was fun and fine and nice. but to him, it was just like a fake image. i duno. i feel accused somehow. i hate it when others say something about me which wasnt true. i nv bothered to explain unless i really am bothered by it. of all ppl, he has to tell me that i wasnt there. sigh. i thot he's the only one that i could show him tt im not feelig okie to, with so many things on my mind, the side when i usually dun show it to the club ppl. but, i duno, it somehow proved me wrong.

perhaps im at fault. yes, the club will always be my priority. it's been like that, and it'll be. i cant change the fact that im already so into the club, the ppl, everything. i sleep with it, i live with it. i thot he would understand. but perhaps not. well. i do have mood swings. bad ones. i admit. but if one cant take it, i dun see why, should i even show myself in the first place.

he's supposed to come over and we cook breakfast together. but oh well, i thot it'd be funny if i see him and we jus pretend nothing has happened. cuz at least for me, i cant. cuz im rather upset, and i believe if he's been thinking thru the whole night, he should be upset too. so why meet? can this even go on? suddenly i cant feel the confidence and faith. me being insensitive, and him, being sensitive. sigh. bad bad bad.

going to clarissa's house later. to celebrate peck gee's bdae. oh well. invited him to go. but to him, it's just a stupid thing. he called it one. so i told him if he dun feel like going it's ok. thats wad i meant everytime, if dun feel like doing anything, can tell me straight, dun need to suit my timing and decision. i want a guy who could tellme wad to do than me telling him. sigh. i duno la.

im sad.

bye.