ho ho ho. first time blogging at blogspot. feeling so weird. hoping tt i can get used to it. havent got a template yet. hmmm duno if i can get something nice. but ayes. who cares. just leave it plain for now.

phew. finally can anyhow say out how i feel abt life. and evemyrhting. since no one i duno would be reading this.

anyways. these few weeks had been really tough. i feel like im breaking down, every minute. it's like cell's degradation man. it's like as though im being attacked by some virus, cells just kept depleting and all. took mc again today. ah cuz mummy demanded tt i go see a doc for my persistent headache. so there i went. and realised im having migraine. sigh! now i gotta eat like 3 kinds of painkillers. and must bring them wheever i am so that i can eat them whenever the pain acts up. sian. i feel so weak now.

yup. deb left. im so sad. missing her so much now. and even grace, gosh. she was so sweet to send me a pair of earrings and lip bum. for my bdea present. gosh. i was so touched tt i cried. sigh. the feelig of having ppl leaving u seriously sucks ah. din slp the whole of sat night after sending deb off. did work all the way till 6am in the morning. then we all went down to NUS together and did some comm svc work in the morning. after tt, i went back to bedok to do work again. gosh. tt was seriously tiring. nearly killed me i guess. but yup. unappreciative ppl. like bendy ho. thot tt im naggy? fine i am.

i dun wish to bring up wad happened again. just want to say.. i did wad i could to make things better. but apparently i guess my way of thinking wasnt wad he wanted. im wrong. perhaps? im not sure. i only feel like all my months of work had been a waste of my time. which is really saddening. so sad. sigh. simply cant get over it. not only because it's about the club, it's also because.. of all ppl, the person who din understand me must be him. i thot he would have known better. perhaps i try too hard. i should have stuck to my own perceptions, and nv bothered trying. now i feel like i've bit hit really hard. it's so hard to pick myself up again. every moment with him around, i feel like crying. wad a weak person. gross la.

wadever it is. it's all over i guesS? nothing much to expect from him. only disappointments. spoke to miss hor just now. told her all that i was thinking. thank god i held back my tears. told her that i want to focus on other stuff right now, cuz of the club, i've neglected so many things in my life. my church, my life, my mum, my friends, my sch work. i've given up so much for the club. wd did i get in return? im not sure. suddenly i feel so lost in my goal in life. why did i fight so much for? was it worth it?

now i know, how we cant mix work and personal life together. cuz it'll really kill. haha. im damn lame. so stupid. feeling like the dumbest girl on earth. perhaps i am. really cant describe how shitty im feeling. hahaha. can only laugh loh. how i wish we can just laugh it off, for everything tt happens in life. too bad, if we can, then it's not life anymore.

work's been stressful. feel like dying the moment i think im going back to work. should have taken 2 days mc la. sian. hai. oh well.

okie. bad way to start my first blog, but anyways it's like a continuation from the previous one ma. so wadever la. i miss my old blog anyway. haha. k gdnight.